By: Bakytgul Yetylbayeva

A woman is a wonderful creature that brings beauty, happiness and joy to life. If that beauty is neglected and suppressed, life becomes dull and colorless. It would be hard to imagine life without a woman as it would be hard to imagine it without a man. Women are the masterpiece of God’s creation. When a man and a woman walk alongside, they can reach their maximum potential because they compliment each other. Some say that a woman should stay at home and take care of her household. It is assumed that woman are there to serve the needs of a man. This assumption might be based on the fact that women are physically weaker than men. It is assumed that being physically weak makes woman weak and incapable overall. Physical weakness of  a woman in comparison to a man does not imply that a woman’s qualities are all weak. On the contrary, physical weakness stresses the distinct quality of women being delicate and feminine. This femininity is a marvelous gift given to a woman by her Creator that makes her distinctive and delightful. Often, instead of cherishing woman’s femininity, men use their physical strength to control and abuse women. By doing so, men depreciate the exclusive value of femininity of women and their own value of manhood. A man’s manhood is displayed by his protection and care of his gentler partner. Appreciation and utilization of women’s feminine virtue, deep care and feminine wisdom would have contributed greatly to the welfare of Afghan society.

Women are distinctive because of their feminine virtue. The supporters of the idea that women should stay in the house state that a woman’s beauty is the source of temptation to a man. They argue that women should hide from the eyes of unrelated men. If that statement was reasonable, then we probably should hide food from the eyes of gluttons, and wealth from the eyes of greedy. Hiding the object of lust from the eyes of the obsessed does not solve the problem of lust. It actually intensifies it even more. The problem of lust has to be overcome by both men and women by a commitment to purity. Purity is a state of mind and heart. It takes character and discipline to attain it.

Women care deeply because they have gentle and compassionate hearts. They are prone to loving selflessly. They are capable of great courage because they care deeply. In everyday life women make selfless choices for the sake of their loved ones. Supporters of the idea that women must stay in the house say that it helps women to be protected from the world that is evil. Just the other way round, women could have contributed greatly to making the world a better, safer place. If women were allowed to take part in social life, they would have been capable to care deeply for their nation. There is a great example of that in the history of Afghanistan. Malalai is a famous Afghan woman who helped to win the battle of Maiwand during the war with the British. She was an ordinary Afghan woman. Her father was a shepherd. She was engaged and soon to be married. On July 27th 1880 she went to battle along with her father and fiancée to help the wounded. During the battle Afghan soldiers began to lose heart. It seemed evident that the British will win the battle. When Malalai saw this, she could not stand still. She shouted “Young love! If you do not fall in the battle of Maiwand, By God, someone is saving you as a symbol of shame!” These words gave courage to Afghan soldiers, and they intensified their efforts. At that moment, one of the soldiers who bore the Afghan flag fell from a British bullet. Malalai run up to him; put up the flag and started to sing: “With a drop of my sweetheart’s blood, shed in defense of the Motherland, will I put a beauty spot on my forehead, such as would put to shame the rose in the garden.” While singing, Malalai was knocked down by a bullet. Afghan soldiers were greatly encouraged by her words, and made a move ahead relentlessly. Soon the British were defeated. And that was the biggest victory of Afghan army during Second Afghan war. The king Ayub Khan gave an award to Malalai. She was buried in her village Khig, nearby Maiwand battlefield. Malalai’s courageous act left imperishable memories in the history of Afghanistan. She became an Afghan heroine. Schools and hospitals have been named after her. She loved her people so much, that she was willing to lay down her life for them. That is greatest love when someone lays down one’s life for others. Woman is capable of that love and courage if she is given freedom to express her deep care. Her tender and compassionate heart can impel her to great actions. All the restrictions that are imposed on Afghan woman kill her spirit and self-esteem. They form a belief in her mind that she does not have a right to care. They deprive her of her right to dream of a bright future for her people.

The inner qualities inhering in women enable them to attain feminine wisdom. Gail Straub in her new book, “Returning to My Mother’s House: Taking Back the Wisdom of the Feminine” calls these qualities “deep intuition, emotional intelligence and the capacity to cultivate an ‘inner’ life.” These are distinctive feminine qualities. If they are used properly, they can bring fulfillment and happiness to women. Gail Straub says in her book: “I think that female wisdom, philosophically, suggests a paradigm where we embrace the ‘other,’ where we live in a world where we’re saying, ‘I may have a different political or philosophical or spiritual position, but I can listen to you. I can reconcile those opposites. So in my view, female wisdom has the capacity to appreciate differences, to respect differences.” She suggests that woman has the ability to reconcile. This is exactly what the world needs. Afghanistan is in dire need for reconciliation. People are tired of war, but find it difficult to reconcile within. If the feminine wisdom was not neglected, it would have contributed to attaining peace in Afghanistan.

It is true that the feminine qualities are not being evident in many women today. There are understandable reasons for that. Women have responded differently towards the demands of the society. Some women have rejected their femininity, and accepted masculine qualities because they promise outward success. Some lost their self-esteem, and accepted the role of being weak, incapable, and insignificant females. Others became defensive, and turned to what is known as feminism. They decided to fight for their rights in order to gain self-esteem. Sad part is that they do it at the expense of their femininity. They want to prove that they are just like men. But the beautiful part of being women is that they are not just like men. They are different from men in a wonderful way. Men’s wisdom is not complete without feminine wisdom. Afghanistan needs women and their wisdom. The society has to accept women’s feminine qualities. Women can not discover the world if they stay behind the walls of their house. If the society allows women the freedom to discover themselves and the world, it may discover great power and wisdom that will contribute to the prosperity of Afghanistan.

Sources:

Momand, Wahid. “Malalai of Maiwand.” Afghanland.com. 2000. 10 May 2009 .
Straub, Gail. Returning to My Mother’s House: Taking Back the Wisdom of the Feminine. High Point, 2008. 10 May 2009 .

Tags | Afghan Women, Gender Equality, restrictions, Society